Day 48… Not feeling it

It’s a little scary when you feel pregnant for the first time and it’s a lot scary when you don’t. Strange things go through my head like: what if this was all in my head (4 home pg tests and 2 blood tests at my doctor are clearly mistaken)? What if it’s… gone? What if I’m just going to be the bane of most pg women’s existence because I’m not that symptomatic? And if I’m not symptomatic today, why the variance (I felt particularly yucky yesterday)?

On another note, I really really need to get a lot more active. I come home and I’m so brain dead that all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch tv. It’s so sad. I was about 10lbs over weight before I got pregnant. I’m scared that after 9 months I’ll be 20lbs over and it’ll never go away. It’s not that I eat that poorly, I just spent 95% of my childhood playing volleyball and softball and frankly, the treadmill makes me want to scratch my own eyes out. Weightlifting seems pointless when you don’t have a team behind you. It feels like there is no purpose. Maybe it was that I had to work out for sports teams and now there is nothing I feel like I have to do it for. Except my unborn baby.

I haven’t taken my prenatal vitamin in 3 days because I keep forgetting to go to the god damn drug store. What if I’m doing permanent brain damage?! I mean wtf is wrong with me? Sometimes I forget to feed my cats. Seriously. It’ll be 10pm and they jump up on the bed and I smack myself, remembering that they need to be fed. Who does that?! Hubby remembers everything. He doesn’t keep a calendar and never forgets people’s birthdays, anniversaries, appointments, dates. He doesn’t make a grocery list but never forgets anything we need. When we go to the store I don’t make a list, I just tell him what we need. It’s like my own Rainman. Ugh.

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